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October 22 it's time to move
we sit alone in a room filled with people. but somehow it's only us. i can only think of the hurt that has been trapped somewhere deep inside because of recent conversations. the accusations, the harsh words....when will this phase be over?
sometimes i wonder....maybe it's me. maybe i'm doing something wrong. maybe i haven't done enough. but how can i fix it if i don't know what's broken.
i don't want to start this way. it's a shame that love chooses this time to give another pop quiz. i'm tired of tryin to prove the same point over and over again. i'm tired of being unsure of myself, wondering if being a wife is something i should reconsider.
i love him beyond a shadow of a doubt. and i know he loves me. so what is this then? why can't we just get over this hump. feels like we're stuck going in circes, and my head is spinning to the point of no control.
maybe we're too pre-occupied. maybe the more we argue the more we wish we were elsewhere....doing something else. i don't want to drive him away into the arms of some other delight. i want to be the one he turns to, the one he runs to, the one he leans on, the one he needs. i want to be his everything, but we all know how impossible that is. i can never be everything he needs. sometimes it hurts but it's something i have to accept.
this is not a blog of despair. i know that we will be fine. i just wish that this frustration and fighting can end.
if ur reading this, it's for a reason. please send up a prayer for my future husband and i, and leave me a comment, let me know u passed by and cared enough.
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